Tag Archives: You ARE A Unique Snowflake!

Your Boyfriend Is (Sadly) Not A Toy


I fucking love the idea of matchy matchy dressing with my boyfriend. In fact it's something I try to trick him into doing regularly, but he's yet to fall for it and was rather annoyed with me when we left his house last weekend in almost matching scarves. I, conversely, punched the air with glee. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want us to look like creepy twins, or like that couple who wear one red one green Converse each that Alexander Fury keeps seeing in Tesco, but there's something fun and ridiculous about being part of a secret gang of sorts who wear the same clothes and do the same shit. I love secret gangs: I used to wish when I didn't have anyone to ride my bike with that I could get a whole gang of friends and dress them up in leather jackets, then we'd ride around and maybe find a secret island like in Swallows and Amazons, and hang out there for the afternoon. Come on! Who doesn't want a secret gang? Handshakes and haircuts, secret words and songs, imagine it! If you think about it being in a relationship with someone is a bit like being in a secret gang as long as you do it right. The best things about secret gangs are how everything cool you do is exclusive and under wraps. So if you and your boyfriend call each other pet names, or have private jokes, it becomes 100000000% less cool and fun when you say them in front of people. This goes double for dressing up. While Halloween is the one day of the year this advice/rule/whatever can take a hike, I want you first to look at Dough Reinhardt's face and think twice before you dress as the tooth fairy and a... ummm.... depressed molar? I find that most people and pets find being dressed up like an amusing toy incredibly humiliating no matter how much I'm, er I mean, you're enjoying it which is a damned shame. Although, duh, your boyfriend isn't a toy some days it would really be a lot better if he just let you do his mascara, draw a glitter lightning bolt on his face, and squeeze into some co-ordinating platforms, because then the two of you could act out some sweet as fuck Bay City Rollers videos. Or you could wear matching suits and pretend to be city boys. Or put on wigs and pretend to be Lady Gaga and her reflection. The possibilities are ENDLESS. Just remember the secret gang's rule: keep it indoors, because then no-one can laugh at you. Pictures from Fuck Yeah Cute, I Love Pugs, and Jezebel
Posted in Dates, Fashion, Outfits, Relationships | Also tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Navigate-Colours

When I was a kid I told my mum that when I grew up I wanted ‘a red car, red dress, and red stilettos’ much like, it turns out, Cassandra in Wayne’s World. Though she looks totally sweet in a hair metal groupie sort of way, and I have always admired the work of Bebe [...]
Posted in Fashion, Questions | Also tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Choose Your Own Adventure.

When I was a teenager I thought I wanted fast cars, fast people, bright lights and the big city. My life was so mundane that I wanted someone to come and sweep me away into a new one. So I waited patiently for someone to spin my world around but they didn’t come. My brain [...]
Posted in Meeting People, Relationships | Also tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

5 Infallible Pieces of Advice.

1. Always wear a condom. Like duh. Duh duh and OHMYGOD DUH. There are so many freaking things that can infect, inhabit, and eat away at your genitals that it’s just not worth taking a chance. Also, if you get a scary sore on your genitals go get it checked! Alexi Wasser’s awesome blog reminded me [...]
Posted in Advice, Dates, Relationships, STIs | Also tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments