Recently I was googling how to get rid of lovebites (aka hickeys) and came across a mine of confusing, contradictory advice. Some people swore by ice-packs and tea bags. Others by toothpaste, arnica cream, or hot compresses. Some people even recommended making them worse so you could pretend that you had a real injury (these people are obviously mad).
Scrolling through page after page of crackpot advice soon brought out the smarmy answers too: “Next time tell your sweetie not to bite so hard.”, “…don’t get one in the first place.” “Remember how unsightly they are.” and on and on. Some bloggers, writing for teenagers I imagine, advised talking to the hickey giver about it first. Not that I’m advocating forcing hickeys on teenage girls, but if someone starts to give you one and you don’t like it, whether you’re an adult or not, just tell them to stop. Sitting down, with a notepad and pen and saying to each other: “Do you like lovebites?” “Yup.” “Cool, what about blindfolds?” “Nope, sorry. How do you feel about oral sex?” etc etc would be one of the biggest passion killers I could ever imagine. However it is something I could imagine Topher and Bennett getting pretty into. That aside, what the heck is so wrong with a lovebite? Having one, getting one, or giving one, can all be fun, and it’s the douchey reactions from other people that make them less than worthwhile. Also, mate, telling them not to bite so hard? I think we’re all missing the point here…
I, for one, hope that with the sudden surge of interest in vampires (and to a lesser extent zombies) that lovebites, hickeys, blooms, strawberries, passion marks, tramp stamps, WHATEVERS will enter the mainstream and stop ignorant people making comments like this on urban dictionary:
After all if lovebites remain ‘a sign of sluttiness’ then whatever are we going to do when True Blood comes back later this year and everyone starts role-playing Eric and Sookeh at night?
Picture from a Google search on Pup’N'Taco… no I don’t know why I was doing that either.
3 Comments
Vitamin K cream is amazing at getting rid of hickeys. I use to help myself to the Peter Thomas Roth eyecream at work and even though it would make you eyes water at the £95 price tag, it got rid of the gigantic lovebite I had that covered most of my neck and had a set of teeth marks in it…all within a day. Saved me getting fired.
You can get cheaper versions in health food shops. Bloody marvellous stuff!
I am assuming it will be the same as a black eye sustained in a Balmain-induced hate crime.
Thus you apply a cold compress first to stop blood flowing to the bruised area (which makes it worse), then after a day or so heat to open the veins.
Or wear lots of turtlenecks. Easier than hiding a black eye yeah?
What is vitamin K? Is it like arnica cream? I once tried that to get rid of bruises but it was rubbish and smelt totally mad.
But surely if you do that stuff it’s just going to go away in the same amount of time it’d normally take? Turtle necks, scarves, and saying “Yeah what?” are my preferred techniques…