To Call or Not To Call?

When I was younger and had only just started dating boys the time spent waiting for a phone call or text message was almost unbearable. In fact I can remember vividly, aged 14, before teenagers had mobiles (!) spending a weekend sitting by the my house phone. When he finally called and my mum handed me the phone I was so terrified I could barely talk. Our one date at Finchley cinema was such a let down.

For years I subscribed to the ‘he has to call you first’ mantra and handed my number over with gravitas then pretty much stapled my mobile to my head to make sure I didn’t miss the call. Everything I’d ever watched, read, or heard, said that if he didn’t call me within 3 days then he was obviously not interested. Or just wanted a shag. Boys who were interested in me were supposed to try and get in contact the minute the left my prescence. If they lost their phone, or the paper I’d written my number on, they’d find my facebook, or ask a friend to ask a friend until they got to me again. After all, those five minutes they’d spent in my company were so damn amazing they’d be crazy to let me go. What a dick I was.

Forgetting that other people have lives or other things on their mind besides calling me meant that when someone took a week or more to get in touch I would ride a rollercoaster of emotion ranging from being elated someone liked me, to crushed that they had obviously led me on, to pissed off that they had listlessly texted now they were horny and desperate. Worse was when boys volleyed messages back and forth for a day or two then fizzled away. They were just being polite. Oh the shame. This idea had been drummed into my head: if he liked me he’d do anything to get in touch with me. Anything. Even if it involved calling my work place to find me. ANYTHING.

These days I can’t say that I’m some girl who throws her phone number around like confetti but when I do I try and be zen about it. If someone wants to get in touch with me, they will, but they also have a job, a life, a family, and friends. Sometimes these things will stand in the way of sending me sugary text messages no matter how excited he is about all my charms. Of course people can lose their phones, or pieces of paper, but I believe that if something is meant to be, then God, the universe, or whatever, will make it happen, loss not withstanding. Sure sometimes when you’ve met someone who you want to spoon with for hours then it sucks if they don’t call you, and you can find yourself wanting to bombard them with “Why don’t you love me?” style text messages, but it never works out. Patience is not my forte but I just try and erase them from my mind and get on with my life as if they had never existed. Does that sound heartless? It’s just easier to let it go and expect nothing at all sometimes, so that if something wonderful happens then you are pleasantly surprised. When you expect the moon on a stick from everyone you’re only going to be let down.

This isn’t to say that you have to sit at home waiting for someone to contact you, not all! Text them if you want or if you’re brave call them! Just let it go if they don’t reply after two calls or texts. You don’t want to be that crazy bitch who kept calling just to ‘hang out’ for months. And we’ve all been that person at least once.

Photos by Natasha Kaser and Matthew Genitempo.

P.S If you are the boy I met who liked Acme Novelty Library and helped me take my bike to get fixed, then didn’t text me for 2 weeks, who’s phone number I consequently deleted because you ‘obviously were just bored and thought I might sleep with you’ I’d like to say that I’m sorry.