Did We Sleep Together?

It was a party in Peckham, I think I was wearing a ruff, and I know was drunk. On the other side of the dance floor was an attractive young man. He smiled at me, and I ambled over. We chatted about whatever it is two people witter about at 5am in a freezing cold warehouse. He said his name was Patrick and touched my arm for emphasis every other word. As we said goodbye at the bus stop I was on cloud 9. His pretty, funny face filled my head for days.

Maybe a month later I bumped into him. This time he was with a friend, also called Patrick. We chatted again for ages, hidden in the corner of a noisy bar, whispering in each other’s ears, and I fell head over heels in like with him. When I got home I told my Best Friend Forever about this guy who I’d met who was super cute and had a friend with the same name as him. The BFF stared at me. “Are you joking? Do you really not remember that you slept with some called Patrick, who has a friend called Patrick, a couple of years ago? At that house party in Notting Hill?” In an instant the memory rushed back to me. Me and Patrick sitting under a blanket snogging, then, well I’m sure you can guess. I couldn’t believe what a moron I’d been. Surely he was laughing about this right now. He and all his friends probably thought I was mental. I wanted to cry.

For a blissful while Patrick dropped off my radar and I brushed aside those horrible blush inducing thoughts. It wasn’t until Christmas when I saw him again. This time, worse than a ruff, I was wearing what will go down in history as the worst outfit ever: black boots, black tights, a grey leotard, and an acrylic jumper with stars and moons knitted into it. What possessed me I will never know. Anyway I was wearing this horrific outfit and walked into Patrick.

“Oh hiiiiii!” I squawked, shame filling up every pore.
“Hey,” He smiled blithely. “How are you?”
“Um. Fine, yeah whatever. Look, I need to ask you something.”
“Sure, what?”
My best friend was stood behind Patrick shaking his head.
“Well, this is going to sound really odd, but um, I think we’ve met before.” I may have winked.
“Yes, I know, we’ve met lots of times before.”
“No, no, you’re not listening. We’ve met, like before then.” I definitely winked this time.
“What are you talking about?”
My BFF leapt up and down. ‘No! No!’ he mouthed.
“Well. There was this party… and I met you. It was like 2 years ago. And we sat under a blanket…”
His face turned ashen.
“And then, you, and I,” My hands started making strange gestures that could only mean one thing.
The BFF slumped into a chair.
Patrick grabbed the arm of a girl who had been standing by him. “This is my girlfriend.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” I turned around and walked away into the crowd hoping they would engulf me like grey goo. They didn’t.

Soon after I started working in a bar. Patrick would drop in occasionally only to avoid me at all costs. On a rare night off I decided to take advantage of my co-workers’ generosity and get some free drinks. Patrick was there. He came over, was extremely affable, and told me that he had split up with his girlfriend. Later that night, after watching Mondo Topless at my flat, we ended up sleeping together again. It was fun, but when he didn’t call I decided to let it go. Things quickly went back to being awkward. That was fine by me.

But no, it didn’t end there. While working in the bar on a quiet Sunday afternoon other Patrick and a girl came in and sat at the counter. They were whispering and nudging each other while I made a cocktail with a co-worker. We shuffled down the bar to listen in better.

Patrick was using a stage whisper so was pretty easy to hear. “… so he and she slept together, and then they both forgot about it. And then they slept together again.”
The girl giggled.
“I know, but that’s not the best bit! The other day,” Patrick paused for effect. “He told me he still wanks about her.”

My co-worker dropped a glass and it smashed. All four of us stood frozen in the moment. I heard Patrick and the girl leave. And then I laughed till I cried.

Photos by Holgabot, and Ryan McGinley. P.S All names have been changed, obviously!